In December last year, Melanie Underhill, a four-year veteran of single parenting, announced that she had created Single Moms, a support group for single mothers. The group started out meeting in person once a month at First Presbyterian Church of Strasburg, 101 S. Decatur St., Strasburg, but with the sudden changes to everyday life recently, meetings have been augmented.
"I am holding our single moms support group online now every Friday on Zoom," Underhill said. "The response ... has been incredible. We are meant for community, and the moms are finding support and validation sharing their stories and struggles with those who understand fully. It's also wonderful to see friendships form and the sharing of child care, resources and information."
The formation of Single Moms could not have come at a more crucial time, Underhill noted.
"In these uncertain times, single parents may feel more isolated and alone than ever," Underhill explained. "Fear of losing their job or income may plague their thoughts, and limited food, basic necessities, child care, and emotional support may mount up to overwhelming anxiety. Often, too, a stressful event may trigger PTSD or bring up past trauma."
Parenting is difficult, but doing it alone when social and practical supports are no longer available can be especially challenging. Underhill offered some encouragement to single parents, saying, "Know that you are strong and resilient, having faced difficult times before and emerging wiser yet."
Taking care of one's self can help parents stay strong, Underhill said. She noted that catching up on sleep (if children allow it, that is), exercising, and eating as well as possible are important. Parents can also find a few minutes each day to stop and reflect and then make a plan for the following day. Establishing a daily routine is helpful in eliminating surprises, Underhill suggested. She also recommended taking a free class from online learning institutions and forming a child care co-op with other families in the neighborhood.
Even with social distancing in place, there are ways that individuals can support single parents. "First and foremost, reach out to check in," Underhill said. "Offer encouragement, support, and validation. Lack of a partner to bounce ideas off of and to dispel anxiety can further the feelings of isolation." Practical ways to support a single parent including making a meal or leaving a bag of groceries on their doorstep, dropping off books or an activity bag for the children to do at home, and researching available benefits, programs, and aid that single parents may qualify for during this time.
Underhill is working on a housing share program to help to reduce the housing need in the community. Her idea is to connect single mothers with each other so that two single mothers and their children can share one home. "This helps moms afford a better home in a better neighborhood, cover expenses, (provide) emotional support, (and share) child care and household burdens," Underhill said. "The community needs to think outside of the box to address the needs of single parents, especially in these trying times."
For more information about Single Moms or to be added to the Zoom meeting, readers may email Underhill at melaniesunderhill@gmail.com.
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